My Ever loving Sudu Puthu,
As I’m sitting here in the bed, waiting for you to
fall asleep, I can’t help but think about how much your little world is about
to change.
I just finished singing you thirty lullabies, curled
up and snuggled by your side to soak up a few last minutes of our day before
tucking you in and smothering you in goodnight kisses.
We’ve spent a lot of time together just the two
of us in the last one and a half years. Your appachchi travels a lot for
work, meaning you and I are often each other’s best buddies during the week for
my entire maternity leave of 10 months. But once I started working full time I only
get to spend the evening and night with you. But we spent all weekends
together.
We make a great team;
the perfect duo. You keep me laughing and on my toes all day
long. We have so much fun together riding bikes, exploring animals, and making
lots of messes in the kitchen. I love the days we spend together more than I
ever knew I could, and I love you sudu puthu, more than I ever knew was humanly
possibly.
But here’s the thing: in a few days, it’s not going to
be just us anymore.
We’ll be bringing your new baby brother into our
family, and because of that, things are going to change. I’m predicting
they’ll all be changes for the better, but any change is an adjustment and
there are a few things I want you to know before that happens.
I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THOUGH
YOUR AMMA WILL BE LOVING ON ANOTHER BABY, SHE’LL NEVER STOP LOVING ON YOU.
I know you will make a fantastic big brother you are
so excited about bringing your baby brother home and loving on him. I know
you will teach your sibling wonderful things (and probably a few not so wonderful
things) along the way. You are so sweet and nurturing your brother will be
lucky to have you there loving and snuggling and looking after him.
Back to those changes I mentioned while it won’t just
be you and me and appachchi anymore, our love for you will never, ever fade. It
won’t be diluted because we’re adding another heart into the mix; it will be
multiplied over and over.
I want you to know that no matter how much attention
the new baby gets, you are still the center of my world. I may get interrupted
from our nightly snuggle time by the cry of a baby who needs me, but it won’t
mean I don’t treasure each of those moments just as much.
We may need to squish over a little more in bed in the
morning to make room for the baby, but I want you there just as much as always.
We may have to change our plans or our schedule to squeeze in naps or meals for
the new baby, but it will never mean the baby is more important than you. My
arms may not always be open and ready to catch you, but know I’m still there
for you.
No matter how big you get and how old you grow, you
will always be our baby. You are our firstborn and have taught your appachchi
and I so much about the world, about life, and about love. Nothing (and no one)
will ever be able to take that away, and I know you will continue to teach us
and amaze us and just keep forcing our hearts to grow and grow as you learn and
do so much more.
I want you to know that if having a new baby in the
house makes me busy or exhausted or frustrated, I will still always want to be
there for you. I want to hear about your day and your dreams and your fears. No
matter how tired or preoccupied I may act, I will always want to know what the
best part of your day was.
Even if there’s a baby nursing in my arms, I will
still want my endless daily quota of hugs and kisses and snuggles. If I tell
you “no” too often or snap too easily or too loudly, I want you to know that it
doesn’t mean that I’m mad at you or the baby is more important.
I want you to know that I’m going to mess up probably
a lot. But I’m going to try my absolute best and hope that you’ll forgive me
when I do make mistakes.
NO MATTER HOW BIG YOU GET AND HOW OLD YOU GROW, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE OUR
BABY.
When we get excited about new things the baby is
doing, know that we were just as excited when you did each of those things:
your first sound, your first smile, your first steps. And I’ll continue to be
as excited and amazed at all of the firsts you’ll keep on having: your first cricket
game, your first time across the monkey bars, and your first day of
kindergarten.
You’ll probably just miss seeing my excitement because
you’re off doing such wonderful things. You’ll probably roll your eyes at this
(an act you’ve already perfected), but your appachchi and I have spent
countless hours oohing and ahhing over every single thing about you from the
very minute we met you: your thick eyelashes, your rosy cheeks. We are
constantly amazed by you and that will never, ever change.
You will always have such a special place in my heart
and I can’t imagine a single second of my day without you in it; I’m so proud
of you and am just as excited about seeing you become a big brother as I am
about meeting your new sibling.
You’re getting to be such a big boy now and you
understand so many grown up things; I hope you understand, too, that though
your Amma will be loving on another baby, she’ll never stop loving on you.
All my love, Amma
