Happy 2nd Birthday my little love..... (30/08/2020)

Over the past 2 years, I’ve been trying to put all of my feelings into words. For you are already so different than your big brother and have changed our lives in the most incredible way.

You are truly a miracle. One we weren’t expecting, but the happiest of surprises. For you are our redemption. I can vividly remember the morning I found out I was carrying you. I was shaking with joy and disbelief.

Long before you were here, I was full of worry. I worried about how our lives were going to change. We had just gotten comfortable in our routine as a family of 3. I worried, “how can I love you as much as I do your big brother?” But you have taught me that my heart is capable of multiplying.

Truthfully, I feel like I hardly gave you a thought before you got here. My mind was so worried about your brother and how he would feel and how he would adjust. Honestly, I felt a little sad for your brother, who suddenly had to share his world. I felt guilty that he couldn’t have me all to himself, and I was worried that I didn’t give him enough when it was just the two of us.

But now that you’re here, my heart hurts in a different way. I feel sad that you’ll never had the quiet sleepy mornings I had with your brother. You can’t even rest without getting jumped on, I feel guilty that I can’t hold you more or snuggle in for a nap together. It’s hard to find time during the day to pick you up and just be with you in that moment. It’s hard to balance the emotional energy it takes to manage you, your brother, and the household repsonibilities. And my working life! It’s hard to feel like I’m loving you well enough.

But I hope you know, in spite of that, how having you has filled my heart up in a new and different way. I always thought “how can I love you as much? Is there enough room in my heart to give that much love?” And now I know the truth in what everyone said. You filled a part of me that I didn’t know was missing. You’ve enriched our lives with just who you are. And I can think about all the good things you get to experience as our second born. You have a built in best friend who is already your biggest fan. You get less crazy parents who don’t feel the need to worry over every little thing because we know “it’s just a stage.” You’ll probably get away with a lot more, because let’s be honest, we’re too tired to fight you over it.

You are precious, my second born babe. The child who is reminding me that parenting isn’t always disciplining and rule enforcing. The child who is reminding me to slow down and try to soak it all in. The child who is reminding me that all life starts as a tiny miracle. You are precious, and I love you so.

You were second. Not in my heart, but one did come before you in time. Yes, with you, it was different. I didn’t read all the books or check the apps every week to see what vegetable you measured up against.

But more than anything, my love, you taught me that a heart is absolutely limitless in size, and that love is the antidote to fear.

So, it’s true. You didn’t make me a mother.

But you sure made me a better one

Thank you for your patience. Thank you for the understanding that reaches to the depths of my soul from those big brown eyes of yours. Thank you for the unconditional love you show me in that perfect smile when I steal those precious moments to just sit and be with you, my second born.

I will keep on loving you forever.

Love,

Amma

Slow And Simple Living............

Over the year’s life is like a rat race, it’s so tiring to the point that no longer has the energy to get going. So much to accomplish in so little time. I had no time to stay still and enjoy the moment. For years I have been striving towards living simple living. I want to enjoy each day. I don’t want to feel rushed. Life is stressful enough without adding unrealistic expectations, busyness, and vanity.

Working Mom's Hassel !!

In case you were wondering why working moms are stressed.... here is the list... 

1. We are late to mostly everything. Especially work, especially work. You can set 15 alarms, lay out clothes the night before and meal prep... but inevitably their will be a meltdown or someone will have to poop and next thing you know.... you are running 30 minutes behind speeding down the road answering questions about where babies come from and why excavator/train doesn't go on roads??????

2. We are tired. Most nights we come home from work already  exhausted with several more hours of dinner/dishes/homework/bath/bedtime routine. Not to mention the fact that one kid will take 45 mins to fall asleep while the other will wake up sixteen time in the night. 

3. We have to do laundry. Laundry. is. our. ENEMY. I folded 7 loads this weekend and I still have more..... all because I chose to skip last weekend. It is the devil and sometimes I think about just starting a fire in the yard with all the clothes and just starting fresh. 😳 

4. We are hungry. We are expected to feed our children nutritious meals when there are some days I don’t even get a breakfast or lunch. (Mostly my fault) And don’t get me started on all the Pinterest lunches I’ve packed for my kids only for them to take one bite. Every time we do actually sit down to eat. Someone needs more of something and we must get up... repeat this x20 and you’ve got an average dinner in our home.

5. We aren’t allowed to be sick. Sick days are never really used for ourself because we never really know when the stomach bug could wipe out our entire house. Who is the one that’s gonna clean up the puke **momma** 

6. We have to take our kids everywhere. To the park, to the doctor, to the pre school, to the pizza hut and list goes on.....

7. We must participate in  all the things. Pre school special events, trips are wonderful and are amazing memories made with our children. But working 40+ hours a week means you are exhausted all the time....

8. We must look pretty. Working moms, well women in general are expected to look put together. Ever heard of contouring and fake lashes... yup that’s a thing.... that women do.... every day... who in the holy heck has time for this?

9.  We must keep a clean house. The house.... well it will never be clean. Like.... never. You can try with all you might for your house to look like a actual home but just as you are about to pack the kids up for school drop off, right when you have twenty thousand things in your hand... your kid will spill their milk or your toddler will blow off the bread crumbs on the couch....

10. We have to work with the guilt that our children spend more time with others than with us. We are expected to work like we don’t have children and raise children like we don’t have careers. We are ALWAYS torn between excelling  in our career or rocking it as a mom. The balance between the two seems non-existent. Sometimes we roll up to work while drying our tears and fighting the urge to go snatch our babies up and take them home to cuddle forever. Sometimes we roll up to the school drop off line and practically push our children out the car cause we just need two seconds of silence before we get to work. 

However, at the end of the day.... when we finally lay down.... we thank the karma for this beautifully chaotic life we have and pray for extra grace for the next day... cause we know we are gonna need it. 

Happy Birthday Ammi (2019/02/24)

I hope you have a great day! I hope you have an AMAZING year! You are a woman, whom I look up to! Therefore you deserve the best birthday ever!

You are strong. You are loving. You are kind. You are soft-hearted. You are beautiful. You are hard working, but most of all, YOU ARE LOVED AND APPRECIATED!!!

I cherish every moment that I can spend time with you, because you are my hero. My Superwoman. You were strong for me, when I couldn't be strong for myself and you loved me unconditionally. You fought for me and I am so thankful for that, my gratitude can never be put into words!

I am blessed to have such an amazing mother like you. Thank you for being my mother. I am proud to call you my ammi.
The older you get, the more beautiful you become! I strive to be like you.
I hope you have a splendid day. WISH I WAS THERE TO SPEND IT WITH YOU !!

A Letter to my little man on his 2nd Birthday (2018/12/15)

My Darling Sweet Perfect Little Man,

Oh where have the last two years gone? It really does seem like it was just yesterday when I was bracing myself through each contraction in eager anticipation of meeting you. As each hour went by I remember wondering how much longer it would be…

And then, there you were, laying on my chest, cuddled into me in absolute perfection. I cried because I knew I loved you more than I ever imagined possible. I cried because from that moment forward, my whole world revolved around you.I love watching you grow, my sweet little man. Your personality is amazing. You are so funny, and so adorable.

Whenever you think I’m sad, or if I’m hurt you try to find the reason for it And then you tilt your head to the side and give me the cutest, cheekiest grin because you know it always makes Amma smile.

You have grown so much my darling. Especially over these last few weeks. You’re joining more and more words together and getting your message across. You have such a strong personality and boy are you stubborn (which apparently you get from me… who knew??).

You are becoming so much more independent now and while I am so proud of you, it makes me sad to think that you need me a little less each day. But then I realise that you just need me in different ways.Instead of needing me to carry you as we walk around, you need me to hold your hand as you walk beside me. Instead of needing me to pat you to sleep, you need me to kiss you goodnight, tell you I love you and tuck you into bed. Instead of needing me to tell you what we are doing, you need me to give you choices as you learn and grow.

As all mothers do, I often ask myself if I am doing enough, am I doing it right and am I giving you everything I can. If you test my last nerve and I get snappy, I wonder if I’ve broken your little heart. Mum guilt is something I live with all the time, I want to give you everything my little man and I want you to be happy.

What I do know is that you are loved. More than you will ever know. Everything I do is to make you happy, to make you smile and to hear your laugh. I do everything I can to give you the best life possible. You are my absolute world and you make me happier than I even knew possible.

My sweet little Munchy, two years old you are today and before we know it you’ll be three, then four… you grow so quickly sometimes it feels like I can’t keep up. Then you grab my face in your little hands and give me a kiss, you wrap your little arms around me and say ‘I love you’ and the whole world slows down.

So Happy Birthday, my little man. Grow, play and have fun and always know, ammi and appachi love you so much.

Forever,
Amma and appachi 😘

This time with you is fleeting (2018/11/02)

This time with you is fleeting.

So I apologize for when I glance over at you and simply stare.

But I honestly can’t help myself.

Because my sweet baby…

Today you ask me to kiss your boo-boos, and tomorrow you’ll be going on your first date.

Today you beg me to snuggle when there’s a loud noise, and tomorrow you’ll be calling to ask if you can stay out past curfew.

Today you want just five more minutes at the park, and tomorrow you’ll be driving yourself to practice.

Today you sing songs and dance with abandon, and tomorrow you’ll be asking me not to kiss your cheek at drop-off anymore.

Today you scribble back-and-forth, and tomorrow you’ll be hard at work on your calculus homework.

Today you want to ride your tricycle everywhere, and tomorrow you’ll be speeding down the sidewalk on your bike.

Today you race to your brother’s bedroom to give him good morning kisses, and tomorrow you’ll be cracking jokes at the breakfast table.

Today you still ask to hold my hand, and tomorrow I’ll be dropping you off for your first day of school.

Today you splash around in the bathtub, and tomorrow I’ll be begging you to take a shower.

Today you giggle at cartoons, and tomorrow you’ll be headed to the movies with friends.

Because today you’re my little boy, but tomorrow you’ll be a young handsome man.

So I know you probably think I’m crazy, the way I look at you and just glow, a goofy grin stretching across my face.

But these days, they fly by.

And while I don’t want to cling to today, for I know there’s so much joy in tomorrow, I want to soak you up a bit; I want to bottle up your sweetness and never forget right now.

Because if I genuinely cherish today in all of its unique beauty, then maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to cherish tomorrow, too.